Where did the time go?

It’s been over three years since my last post but, surprisingly, I have no regrets. Where did the time go? 

When I started blogging, following the first hiatus, I had just left my first job since graduating from university. I was desperately seeking some semblance of control and direction. I had also started a master’s programme and, because, it was part-time, I had free time to use up.

I had specific objectives when I picked up my proverbial pen to blog again. Firstly, I wanted to do things that got me out of the house as often as possible. Secondly, I wanted to learn something from my excursions, and to meet new people. Thirdly, I wanted to become a better writer and content creator. Looking back on the experience, I benefitted on all three fronts for the limited time I managed to stick to the plan.

However, there is an element of fortuity that can waylay any best-laid plans. I got a new job (full-time) and had to juggle working and studying in two different cities. I went from having an abundance of free time to having just about enough to stay sane. There was no question that something had to give, although I made no conscious decision to give up blogging. It was deprioritised as time went on.

Then there was COVID-19. I am a level-headed person at the best of times, and not prone to blowing things out of proportion. Yet, I am not exaggerating when I say that this virus has upended our way life. To put things into perspective, there was a recent photography competition at work. One of the entries was a montage of famous London landmarks (Trafalgar Square, etc.). These are places usually teeming with people and buzzing with activity. Not anymore. Empty. At the risk of sounding insensitive, though not intended as such, the images impressed upon me the idea of a ghost town (no pun intended).

Once again, I have to wrestle with the idea of time. Where did the time go? What do I do with my time (since I don’t commute to work anymore, can’t meet up with friends, etc.)? How much time does it take to create a vaccine? When will the lockdown end?

Like most people, this virus has disrupted my life in significant ways. I am quite sad that I won’t get to graduate this year after all. Nevertheless, I also recognise that I am lucky that my loved ones (and I) are safe and doing well. But for how long? This is not about being pessimistic. There is a clear and present danger. Being indoors and not being able to carry on as normal only serves to highlight this. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against the lockdown. Quite the opposite. I am in favour of doing whatever it takes to save lives.

There have been remarkable examples of human kindness and fortitude these past few months. Yet, it is a veneer that we are all in this together (true only to the extent that this is a pandemic). The evidence that is starting to emerge shows that the burden on the socially and economically marginalised is heavier and will get worse the longer this goes on. I am not interested in politicising the issue nor do I want to point fingers and play the blame game. At such a juncture, we have to want to come out of this crisis as better versions of ourselves, as well as wanting to create a better, safer world. Death and suffering is universal. Happiness can be. At the risk of sounding clichéd, we have to do some soul searching and to reflect (and stay safe!) in the meantime. 

I felt like writing today, which is how I ended up here. It’s not always easy for me to put my thoughts into words (not because I don’t have anything to say). I am not unique in being self-conscious about how others respond to my writing though it is becoming rarer to choose silence over saying something that is blatantly wrong, insensitive or offensive. At some level, it is also about my fragile ego and wanting to come across as clever. A blog is quite diary-esque in style and tone (or maybe it’s just the way I write?) and, when you open yourself in this way to strangers, you are bound to feel vulnerable.

The tide is starting to turn a little. I am getting used to the idea that having a blog (or any other platform) is a humbling experience, and an opportunity to grow as a writer. But, as they say, Rome was not built in a day.

P.s. my mum chose the image with the interlocking hands. I understand where she's coming from though it made me cringe a little bit! I am either telling you this because of my tendency to overshare or I am trying to compensate for feeling embarrassed. Hmmm....